so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
