im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
