dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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