Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize