The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have feelings that need drinking.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
