Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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