he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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