god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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