Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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