he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
