i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
