Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
