I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
