I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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