hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
