i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
