birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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