Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
