Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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