she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
