Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
