I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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