bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
