Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
