i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
