Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
