Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dick very happy bro
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
