I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
