Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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