Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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