I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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