well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
