I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
