She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
