last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
