I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
