dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
