You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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