does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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