You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
