I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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