the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Pants are for mortals
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
