i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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