I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
