So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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