I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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