I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
