i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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