He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
