I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she told me i tasted like america
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
