real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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