My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
