You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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