i just had sex bonerless
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
