I bet he comes in French.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
