a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
