so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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