So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
