Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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