Barsexuality is the new black.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
