my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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