you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
