yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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