If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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