Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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