So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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