Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry sdfghjrfde hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(732): View more from New Jersey

I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad

Fav 15 4939 1120
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?

Fav 11 4439 1400
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once

Fav 3 5391 1208
share tweet
(517): View more from Michigan

All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.

Fav 12 3614 1792
share tweet
(983): View more from

I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again

Fav 11 833 2655
share tweet
(337): View more from Louisiana

The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

Fav 11 3293 980
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.

Fav 5 1720 787
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(530): View more from California

I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "

Fav 5 1021 580
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(713): View more from Texas

Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.

Fav 2 20 112
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT