did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found the puke drawer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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