i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
