My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
