I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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