After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
